"When I first saw this image, I saw a weary, exhausted mama trying to keep it together. A mama at the end of her rope, but a mama staying strong for her boys."
-Callie
Had you told me 20 years ago I'd be married to someone in the Air Force, and raising my children all around the country, I would have laughed. Me? Oh no. I was to be a foreign service officer or working in international development. My life was to be a career that would take me all over the world. I was going to be highly educated and experienced in making the world a better place. And I did all that. It wasn't what I expected. Then I met a man in the most unique way (Follow this link if you want that story)...and everything changed. Except that I knew I'd make the world better, I just didn't know it'd be through military motherhood.
We tied the knot at a courthouse ceremony in Vegas. You'd think it was an elopement, but nope, my husband was stationed there. A week later I took off to graduate school in Ohio (we did a "wedding" two years later). During the two years I was in school my thoughts never wandered to being part of the military community, let alone motherhood in the military! Then I got pregnant.
I had my master's degree and was working in Washington DC while he was stationed there. It had only been a few months of living as a married couple when we discovered life was growing inside me. And as life would have it, my husband had the opportunity to commission from being enlisted to an officer around the same time. If he followed that path it was going to be a huge commitment. And one that would take us from DC. I had accomplished so many of my dreams by that time, and his had always been to commission. We talked about it for a long time and decided this was the journey we were going to take. Military motherhood was about to be my life.
I searched everywhere for books about family life in the military...and I found some flowery accounts and others published in the 90s. Where were the stories of moms right now? Moms in uniform? The partners of those serving? I was alone in DC about to have our first child and since he wasn't assigned to a specific base, we had no support. He was lost in a sea of military that saturates the DMV area and no one took notice. It wasn't until we went to an event at an Army base (we are Air Force) that an enlisted spouses club saw how pregnant I was and took my information. After I gave birth it was the club who brought me meals. No one from my husband's work, the community I thought I was supposed to be a part of, seemed to care.
From there we went to Mississippi. A house full of black mold on base, toddler, being pregnant with my second, and my husband's training was intense. Oh, and we adopted another dog from Jordan. So that's two young children, two dogs, and only a year before the next move. Once we made it to Idaho the idea came to me- document mothers in the military. If no one else is telling their stories, why can't I?
Black and white images that will stand the test of time. Words from the actual mothers to go with each photo. Imagine a beautiful coffee table book filled with the stories and images of mothers in the military. Something you can gift to a friend, or find on a table at the USO. And not have it be propaganda. Let it breathe with the words of those really in it. LGBTQ+, BIPOC, and differently abled mothers sharing their words. Foster moms, step moms, and all the other caregivers that identify as mothers opening up.
So I started. I reached out to people on our base in Idaho and moms responded. One mom let me walk through her morning routine with her teenage boys while their dad was deployed. Another showed how she showered with her girls because it was some of the few moments she had to be with them and slow down from everything. A mom in uniform let me join her at the pool after work where her son swam and she watched with her husband, also an active duty military member.
Since 2019 I have been quietly gathering stories. A Navy family allowed me to be at the birth of their first child. Another mom opened her home to me while she packed everything up to move across multiple states. I know that this work is important. The stereotypes that are forced onto mothers serving and those whose partners serve, are...well, gross. From dependapotamus (a dependent is someone who is immediate family of the active duty military member, and hippopotamus because they all are supposedly lazy and just take government money) to moms in uniform being cold and not maternal. This was an opportunity to steer away from ugly Facebook posts and tell authentic stories.
Recently I submitted what I have to two photography grants. They're international, so I'm sure there will be thousands of other entries...but if I somehow found the funding? I'd fly around the world to tell the stories of motherhood in the military. All branches being represented. Moms learning to drive on roads in Japan. Service member mothers going to eat lunch at their child's elementary school in uniform. I have the numbers, plan, media kit, and tenacity to make it happen. If you know of publishers or organizations that would fund a project like this, let me know! As of now all of you reading this, the moms who participated, those following me on social media, and the grant organizations are the only ones who know it exists.
Are you someone who identifies as a mother in our military community? If you're local to the Phoenix area we need to tell your story. Are you further away? Your story still deserves to be told and when I find the funding, I'll come to you. Stories matter. The way we connect, show that we are not alone, are through stories. Military life can change within seconds. These stories will tell our country's history and I believe I'm meant to do with honesty and a deep responsibility to the women who open their lives to me.
