Maybe it's the full moon...


This one is a Capricorn moon, and I’m a cap. Stubborn, driven, devastatingly honest, loyal, and someone who shows up for others. It’s hard for me to be any other way. I was reading about this current full moon and a question was posed- how are you showing up? 


The question stopped me. How am I showing up for my business? I post, share, keep the back end stuff together, pay taxes, continue to educate myself, but it all feels obligatory. In what way am I showing up as ME. That part is scary. What if I let it all out. Share my fears as well as dreams? Will I be judged? So I’m taking a risk


I fear people do not see the monetary value in my work.

I fear that I can’t get others to understand the importance of unapologetic authenticity in photography.

I fear that I come off too strongly and push people away.

I fear I’m not good enough.


Those fears are loud and dark. They creep into me like an evening fog rolling over a coastal hill. They tell me there is truth in their darkness. And sometimes I agree. I should quit. Put away my camera and words, find a job at a desk that brings in more income. Give up trying to convince people to let me tell their story. Let it be a hobby, nothing more.

Bright sun shining in a deep blue sky above silhouetted trees with wispy clouds in the background.
Close-up of child's feet wearing navy blue velcro sneakers with white chunky knit leg warmers on wooden floor.
Moody beach pier with red pavilion under dramatic cloudy sky, calm waves on sandy shore at dusk.
Colorful Christmas string lights glowing in red, green, and blue against a dark ceiling in a dimly lit room.

But, dammit, my soul screams into the fog, “THIS IS WHO I AM.” Call it manifestation, putting it into the universe, or a silent prayer. I can see my future so clearly-


Less than 10 years from now we are living somewhere in the hills or mountains. We have a small ranch style home with a few acres of land. There are full seasons that we learn to live with, prepare for, and grow with. My 3 goats laze around the yard while half a dozen chickens nap in the shade. A few runner ducks are wandering our large garden eating bugs. It’s mid morning, dew still on the ground and I can feel it between my toes as I check the garden with the dogs. Steam comes off my coffee and a hawk calls in the distance. I need to water plants and feed animals before I head to the airport. The girls are teenagers and we have parented well enough to trust them when I travel. Plus, my husband works in the brewery down the road. I leave a note for the girls on the counter, kiss my husband as he gets ready for work, grab my suitcase and head out. 


Because at this point people know me and want me to travel to them. They pay for my ticket so that I can come to their homes in Denmark, Nova Scotia, Australia, Maine, and other places around the world. These are clients who have been communicating with me for months. We have plans for their day/session, I’ve sent them a small token of excitement in the mail ahead of time. In my bag I have looseleaf tea made from my garden as a gift as well (it’s in a small jar with a yellow ribbon tied around it). The flights go smoothly, the room at my inn is welcoming, and I have a full breakfast before heading to their home. We spend the day doing what they love, and I document the light, movement, and emotion. At the end of the day we hug and I know that it’s a see you later, never a goodbye. The next few days are filled with sessions and exploring the area. I find funky little gifts for my family. As I get back onto the airplane I’m tired but so damn fulfilled.

Woman feeding goats through a chain-link fence at a rustic farm petting zoo on a sunny day.
Woman in floral dress holding wine glass smiles at young girl near pumpkins at outdoor fall Halloween gathering.
A girl plays on a gymnastic bar in a backyard while a person stands near a large sports net on a paved patio.
Two children playing in an autumn forest, one girl in a red dress running among fallen leaves and tall trees.
Mother kissing daughter on forehead in forest, black and white photography.
Bride in white dress bends to pet two dogs on a tree-lined sidewalk, held by a man in a blue shirt. Elopement photography.
Three children playing on a blanket in a green meadow, with a girl in a striped outfit and bow running outdoors.

The description of my future is so specific because it feels so real. I just need to figure out the secret sauce to get there. I can tell you what I’m wearing, the paths in the garden, what the coffee mug looks like. I see the future but then the fear comes back, telling me I don’t deserve that. I’m doing something wrong. People aren’t going to pay my prices. Give up.


Like all weather, the fog will pass, and that full moon is going to come out. It’ll be there to ask me again and again- how are you showing up? I am going to continue to push. Push my creativity, business understanding, and relationship building. Every day I will show up. Sit at my computer, go into the community, and whatever it takes until people see a photo and know it’s mine. Until my inbox is full of inquiries. After all, I’m a Capricorn. 

Woman in mustard dress relaxing in chair with dog, bathed in warm sunlight beside a framed wall art.